Monthly Archives: May 2005

Revenge of the Shit

Betrayal on so many levels! I guess people have mostly gotten over Lucas’s betrayal of his fans, but I was never that rabid about the whole thing, so I mostly feel betrayed by the reviewers. I give David Bianculli the benefit of the doubt and assume his overall very positive review was the product of low expectations, or maybe no expectations. So much of your experience of a movie is the context in which you see it, and I let myself believe this could be a real movie, with, say, acting and maybe some dialogue. So upsetting.

So many things that are just so WRONG. Padme’s outfits: not just distracting and weird, they were downright creepy. After Anakin has the first nightmare about her death, I couldn’t help thinking, of course she’s going to die – she sleeps in huge chains of pearls that are going to choke her to death. She commits fashion murder every scene; she deserves to die. And she at least she got to do some stuff in the last two movies; this time she’s never seen outside the bedroom until the final scene. The way Lucas feels compelled to state the obvious over and over again until you want to scream uncle. It’s like he starts to subtly foreshadow something and then goes, nah, fuck it, YO, I’M THE SITH LORD AND I’M GOING TO TRICK YOU INTO THINKING I CAN SAVE PADME’S LIFE! Yeah, we knew that already, but now you’re going to say it ten more times in case anyone was in the bathroom for, say, the last five movies. The worst though is that at the end, ALL the Jedi but two have been killed, the Sith have taken over, Padme’s dead, and Anakin’s wearing a car bumper on his head, but Obi Wan, Yoda and Captain Sifowitz seem…happy. Happy that the movie’s over, I presume. Happy to finally be able to do those little bits that set us up for the original movies, like wiping the memory on Artoo and C3PO. Happy that if there are Episodes 7, 8 and 9, they won’t have to be in them.

Some actual lines:

PADME: Anakin, all I want is your love.

ANAKIN: Love won’t save you, Padme. Only my new powers can do that.

Or

ANAKIN: I should have known the Jedi were plotting to take over . . .

OBI-WAN: From the Sith!!! Anakin, Chancellor Palpatine is evil.

ANAKIN: From the Jedi point of view! From my point of view, the Jedi are evil.

OBI-WAN: Well, then you are lost!

Lost just about sums it up.