Campaign for #2

I want to have another baby. Chris doesn’t. Here are my reasons:
– our first kid is so cute, who wouldn’t want more cute?
– When I was growing up, of course my sister and I fought, but we always had each other. Okay, that sounds really stupid and obvious, but I don’t know how else to say it. I can’t imagine what it would have been like to grow up without my sister, and I think it would have been a lot harder to get through the tough parts. I want Clementine to have that too.
– Once you get past the first couple of years, I think it’s easier in some ways with two because they can play together and you don’t always have to be the entertainment.
– I want to have the experience of having a baby again (not necessarily the childbirth part, but the rest of it)

Chris doesn’t put stock in these arguments. He loves Clementine dearly but doesn’t want to be subsumed by fatherhood at the expense of his life goals, like making games, which admittedly is not an easy career. I don’t want him to give up his dreams either, but I don’t believe that a second child would really be the obstacle he thinks it would be.

We’ve both stated our cases and committed to working it out somehow. But how? We fundamentally disagree, and the default case seems to be no.

7 responses to “Campaign for #2

  1. hmmmm. If Chris doesn’t want to be subsumed by fatherhood after ages four or so, having another child is definitely the way to go. Having a brother/sister will keep them both occupied, whereas only having one child means you’re pretty much plaything-on-demand for much longer!

    Besides, think of your responsibility to the world – smart people have the fewest children, and the result of that is a gradually decreasing intellect across scores of generations (at least, assuming that you believe intelligence has more to do with nature than nurture). It’s only fair for you to replace yourselves! 🙂

  2. we have just spent a few days with 3 kids age 9, 7, and 3. The oldest 2 played together amazingly often and were very little work for the parents. the baby was a lot of work- too big an age gap to be interesting to the older ones? – I think 2 kids is ideal for parents…that or none…

  3. we have just spent a few days with 3 kids age 9, 7, and 3. The oldest 2 played together amazingly often and were very little work for the parents. the baby was a lot of work- too big an age gap to be interesting to the older ones? – I think 2 kids is ideal for parents…that or none…

  4. yeah, not to chime in against chris, here, but i think having multiple children also contributes to a more cohesive family later in life.

    my grandmother on my mother’s side just died a month ago at 97 years of age, and i cannot count the number of times my mother and her 5 siblings have remarked on how much they relied on each other for support during that time. they’re a really tight-knit bunch, we see each other all the time, and i really cannot imagine what the situation would ahve been like if my mother were an only child (her mother’s death would probably have inspired a nervous breakdown, they were so close.)

    if i were ever to have children i would absolutely plan on more than one for this reason alone… being an only kid would be lonely, and you’d lack this really substantial support network. i talk to my 3 siblings all the time, and we only get closer with age.

    also worth noting is the common conclusions from birth-order psychology; only children are, i think, the most stereotypically neurotic of children. once you have some siblings you get to spread out the crazy.

  5. Of course it’s up to the two of you. Of course our opinions shouldn’t actually matter, we don’t have to live with you and the kids.

    That said, only children are spoiled and selfish children. Not necessarily bad people or even unpleasant, just spoiled and selfish. Siblings are spoiled and selfish too, but they at least learn early on the realities of having to share, having to make do, and of not being the center of the universe. It’s tough not being the center of the universe. I still resent you for displacing me, but I know I am more tolerable to others because of it.

    So, the hypocrite ways in…

  6. Well, the most fool-proof way around this arguement is the route my wife took: Twins. Argument over. Of course she’s bugging me about number 3 now, but it’s a much weaker case.

    Before being parents, we were pet owners. Dogs & cats. Someone once said to me “Always get a second cat. It’s way more than twice the fun, and less than twice the work”. There’s an element of that being true for parenthood as well. Is it more work? Sure, but it’s not he same shock as the 0->1 transition. You already have to be home, you already have to make sure someone’s picking up diapers/formula/etc.

    there’s also some truth to the point about them being friends and occupying each other. Twins are a special case, but it was true for my sister and I (2yrs apart). I think it also makes you a more well rounded individual. My sister taught me things about girls. I taught my sis things about guys. At least until our mid-teens at which point war broke out 🙂

    I think a lot of only-children end up a little strange. No offense to any readers or authors here! Not all of them!

    Anyhoo. Good luck. That was my 2c,

    K

  7. I sympathize with Chris. If #1 is so cute (and she is!), why isn’t that infinite cuteness sufficient? Why not spoil her with double the resources? I do think a sibling is the greatest gift you can give a child, but wouldn’t the place of a sibling eventually be taken by a non-blood friend from next door?

    My friend Dan says two is more than double the work, because while you tend to one you have to keep an eye on the other.

    I would say the way to work it out is to try to be as specific as possible, in terms of time and money. Exactly what would be required, exactly what would be expected from each of you? Be petty.

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